DoWn n' oUT

BIG BROThER + BIG SISTER……AWWWWW

THIS BEAUTIFUL CITY SEEMS EMPTY…..ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD AND YOU COULD STILL FEEL LONELY…..WHAT’S THE POINT OF HAVING IT ALL WITHOUT THE PERSON YOU LOVE……SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED TO START AGAIN IN ORDER TO FLY

-ALICIA KEYS (DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING)

DO NOT CRY ANYMORE BECAUSE THAT MAN DID NOT MARRY YOU. DO NOT BE SAD BECAUSE THAT OPPORTUNITY DID NOT WORK OUT. DID YOU NOT PRAY THAT THE WILL OF GOD SHOULD BE DONE? DID YOU NOT COMMIT YOUR WAYS TO HIM ? GOD IS ANSWERING YOUR PRAYERS RIGHT NOW! HE IS DIRECTING YOUR LIFE. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HEAR A VOICE. YOU DO NOT NEED TO SEE A VISION. JUST CONTINUE WALKING BY FAITH AND YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF IN THE PERFECT WILL.

I’ve often heard people ask God to give them a signal or some sourt of sign to give them a sense of direction in life and I never thought I would fall under the category of those people. I’m more of the person that would question what kind of sign they were looking for……like is it as simple as a STOP sign or do you have to have a very disturbed dream that would somehow show you your destiny.  As I listen to Rihanna’s song entitled fire bomb, it dawned on me that in the past two weeks I’ve become one with fire and I wonder if this could be the sign that I’ve been waiting for.

1.) Pastor’s son a.k.a my cousin calls me not to have his usual small talk about life but to inform me that he had a dream that scared him which was I am going to hell because my relationship with god is non-existent. I was pretty shocked to hear that, actually I was extremely speechless because I didn’t know what to make of it, I just cried.

2.) When I was at work a friday night, the stockroom at my job in Abercrombie and Fitch caught on fire and we all had to evacuate the buidling later on that night. I didn’t think it was that major because although I saw smoke, the flames were nowhere to be seen and apparently got worse that I was unable to work for a while

3.) Now today, in the evening the building across the street from my house was on fire and that fire lasted from 7:00 up until midnight due to the highwinds from today’s weather and it was no joke. It was raining flames and debris everywhere and now endless amount of people are homeless and the buidling is destroyed from top to bottom.

It didn’t hit me until I got into my house, warmed up and actually ate something that it was real. I watched every second of it like a little kid watching fire works on the fourth of july for the first time. It amazed me when I was outside but when i got inside I felt funny, akward, uncomfortable and weird. I kept saying my friend doretha prayed for God to show her a sign and she felt he did, a positive one. More money than she expected from PELL because she desperately needed it for her France trip. So should I take this as mine? But what exactly is it saying? Am I destined to go to hell or do I have to make a change soon because life is too short or do I have to explode and let everything out to move on? There is so many signs I’m getting from these events but which one is accurate or am I just being a female and overthinking too much? But it makes me question what a sign really is. Is it just any nonverbal action or gesture that encodes a message that was put on this earth to mindfuck me or do I allow it to mindfuck me instead of taking control of my own destiny and relying on drastic events in my life to make moves.  As my girl RI RI says in her song , ” I just wanna set you on fire so I won’t have to burn alone…… then youll know where I’m coming from….FIRE BOMBBBBBBBBBBBB…XOXOXOXO